Join in with God
Posted by: pressgang on: November 4, 2009
Got a few little things I wanted to share in terms of what’s coming up on this site. I’m currently researching/writing some stuff on the principle/idea of the Sabbath (including practicing a Sabbath and experiencing it myself) which I hope to have up sometime before Christmas. I have a lot of ideas I’ve written down for projects or things I’d like to write/speak about, and am currently trying to get some time to think about them properly and see what form they look like too. They may end up as blog posts (or parts of them anyway) but they may also end up as other things too, so I will keep you all in the loop as much as I can on those things, and would appreciate your prayers and support in all of this.
I’m beginning to learn that rather than trying to push everything yourself, its often good to look at what God is already doing, and join in on that. Sometimes God speaks to you and tells you to do something, or initiate something, but sometimes its a process as you start to hear things about different topics and subjects, and bump it to it more often, so you sense its time to talk about it. That’s what’s happened with this idea and thinking about the Sabbath, and about reflecting on things I want to communicate to people and how I can do this best, in whatever medium or form it takes. And often the best thing to do is to see how it pans out, have an open mind about what God wants to do and how He wants to do it.
I have ideas to communicate, but it may be more than a blog. It may be a podcast, or short film/video, or book, or website or a combination of all of them, or some of them or even none of them. My job is just to pursue it and see how it pans out.
The bigger vision is my overall perspective on the Christian faith and being a disciple of Jesus, and what church was always planned to look like in terms of its values, attitudes, perspectives, purpose and mission, and how that looks in todays world. In seeing how what God has spoken through the Bible means in our 21st century consumer, secular culture, and what the life, death and resurrection of Jesus means for us now. I feel strongly that eventually, it will get to the point of attempting to see what it works out like in reality myself – and in the meantime it means trying to put this into practice in my own church community.
I’m excited by what God is doing now, and I’m sure there’s more to come, and it will probably come in ways and means I don’t expect.
I just need to keep on seeing what God is doing in me already, without being concously aware of it, and then keep joining in with that and being obedient to it. That’s one of the things I’m trying to do with my baptism, and in writing this blog. Its something I think we all need to do, and it brings a sense of excitement, anticipation and adventure into our journey with God. Jesus told us if that if we seek, we will find.
If we look for God working in our lives and keep our eyes open, then we can join in with it. In doing that, we are working in harmony with God and through this God can work more powerfully. In the process, we discover more of ourselves.
Join in with God. Its the only way to go.
Fear fuels evil – Love fuels good
Posted by: pressgang on: October 27, 2009
‘Evil is not the opposite of love, fear is’ – Rob Bell
What an insightful phrase this is. We often assume that evil is the opposite of love, the opposite of good. But think about it. Why do we do things contrary to how God intended – what is often called ’sin’? Why do we give in to temptation? Why do we do things we know are wrong despite ourselves? I want to argue that fear, and all that goes with it – insecurities, doubts – is the root of all evil, and that only by having the courage to face our fears and insecurities, and surrender them to God, can we ever find our true identity.
Jesus said Himself, “Perfect love drives out fear”.
Maybe there was a deeper meaning to this statement than what we see on the surface. Maybe its because when we experience or know love – true, authentic love – we feel ourselves. We know our true identity. We experience God, even if we don’t know it. Wherever this kind of love is, God is present, and we feel safe in a way we cannot without love.
But lets think about fear and sin – essentially the rejection of the way of God, practically lived out in our life – and how they are linked.
People sleep around because they are afraid to be alone or afraid of committment.
People lie because they are afraid of people’s reaction if they hear the truth, or afraid of the consequences of the truth. Or because they are hiding something.
People with addictions of any kind are afraid of facing the realities of life, they are afraid of rejection, they don’t like themselves, they are afraid of all sorts of things. They find comfort, identity and security, of a kind, through these addictions.
People steal because they are afraid. Afraid of financial insecurity, afraid of not fitting in with their peer group who might be doing the same, afraid of not being able to fulfill the demands of success our society puts on us.
People who are consumed by anger, who are violent and aggressive, are often afraid to face up to their problems and afraid to deal with them, afraid of what’s inside them. They ignore their pain and grief and let it all build up into anger, and eventually this can control them and lead to physical abuse or violence.
The anger issue was one I faced for a long time. Fortunately I dealt with it before it got too out of control, and as I did it and got counselling and prayer I realized that all this came from my fear. I felt I needed to be in control of everything all the time and everything had to be as I wanted, and if not I got angry. It was a fear of not being in control and wanting to control everything and everyone as much as I could, to avoid pain. And this fear fed my anger, and fed other bad habits I had.
Our society feeds off fear. That’s how companies sell their products. They try to convince us that we need a certain project, and it will make our life better, fuller and richer. A lot of things are sold to us now based on the idea that they will make us healthier and therefore make us live longer, or that they will make us look and feel younger and maybe prolong our life. Insurance feeds of a fear of something bad happening to us and preparing for the worst.
Not that having material things or buying food or insurance is bad in themselves – but media use fear to drive us towards specific types. And because they do that, this fear overflows into other areas of our lives, very subconciously, and influences how we live. And its totally the opposite of love.
Love makes us feel safe, secure, valued, accepted, welcomed, forgiven. Just as we are. Love drives us to do good.
Fear does the exact opposite.
Think of the areas that you struggle with the most. The things you wish you didn’t do but still do. The bad habits you can’t break. The mistakes you’ve made and regrets you’ve had. I suspect all of them at some level have come from fear of something, which has impacted you and you have compensated for it, or satisfied it in one way or another. From something somebody has said or done to you, or an experience – or set of experiences – you have had in your life that had a deep, and negative impact on you. Maybe issues from your childhood. Or maybe just growing up immersed in the culture we live in, which feeds off fear. All these things create fears in us, on a very subconcious level.
Fear can be so powerful if we let it, and we need to be aware of its power to influence us if we are going to learn how to deal with these issues. We have to look in on ourselves and see why we act like we do.
I only really started to deal with my anger once I realized it was to do with fear. I understood what was fueling my anger. I understood why I felt that way. And I learnt about a fear of losing control, a fear of responsibility, a fear of trusting anyone, a fear of commitment. I had lost my mum and been bullied, and had been out of control of all these things. I wanted to avoid this pain again, and so compensated with a need to be in control, to get my way. A fear of not having control, of losing control and of the unexpected. All these fears were fuelling bad habits in my life. I realized all the sin in my life was related directly to fear, and I needed to start dealing with it.
And that’s where God meets us.
He doesn’t wait for us to get it all sorted. He doesn’t expect us to ever get it totally sorted.
There’s often this delusion that the blessings of God are reserved for those who’ve got it sorted, those who have dealt with their problems and are now strong, mature Christians. Who always do and say the right thing. That we have to recognize how bad we are and start to sort ourselves out before God will really accept us and help us. That God won’t love us or bless us until we cut out bad habits, cut out the bad decisions and cut out the issues.
Rubbish.
God meets us in our pain. He meets us at our place of suffering. He meets us in our fears.
I know this from my own experience. My anger problems have largely gone now. But they wouldn’t have gone without God’s help, right in the midst of my pain. That’s where He met me and started working on me. In fact, I now know He’s been working on these things for longer than I realized. Now I realize that its an ongoing process which goes on our entire lives.
You see, in dealing with those issues I have opened doors to go into other areas, and see what really was behind that anger, and even where that fear came from. I was at church a couple of weeks ago and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He said
“You think you’re worthless, but I say you’re worth everything“
God was meeting me in my pain. In my insecurity and fear. Into a view of myself I have and didn’t even realize I had. And I was crying, because I knew He was right. I do sometimes, when I’m at the end of myself and have nothing left, feel I am worthless, not important, insignificant, destined to fail and be hated and abandoned by everyone, and think that is my destiny. I know in my my mind what the truth is, but at those low moments I have felt like that.
God was pointing this out. He was showing me what my heart really believed – and was insisiting to me what the truth really is, and that it really is true. At that moment I felt a warm, tingling, peaceful and powerful feeling in my heart, like God was changing my heart.
On reflection I now find it a lot easier to believe the truth in my heart, but there are still times when it feels uncomfortable to believe the truth, because elements of those feelings and fears are still there. However, God has transformed my heart, and now I am on a journey with Him everyday learning more about why and how this is true, and discovering that truth with God alongside me. That’s my journey of faith, certainly right now. The journey of discovering and accepting what is already true about me, and what God has said about me.
Its the same for us all. Whatever our fears and insecurities, God wants to meet us in the midst of them. He doesn’t expect us to have it all sorted. He doesn’t expect us to deal with it totally all in one go. What He does want to do is tell us what is true about us, how He feels about us, how much He loves us and that we are welcome and accepted as we are. He wants us to recognize these fears and how they influence and wants to cast out these fears with His love.
And that’s a process, not just an instant fix. God wants to work with us to work through and understand these fears, to recognize the truth about ourselves, and help us discover our true identity.
Its the journey of life, the journey of faith.
God is with us all the way through, all He’s waiting for is for us to realize it and work with Him in dealing with the issues we all deal with every day, including our fears. You see, God never intended us to live apart from Him, it was the human race who rejected Him, not the other way round. He’s always been with us, just waiting for us to accept His invitation and join our life to Him.
The truth is we all have fears and insecurities which can control or influence our decisions.
If we have the courage to recognize our fears, and the faith to give them to God, we can be healed and restored, and we can become more like how God originally designed us to be. We can bring more good into the world, and the evil in the world becomes less almost by default. Fear may still try to attack us, but we can ignore it and reject it with much more confidence, and respond to it far more positively. The world becomes more like God originally designed it. Heaven comes to earth. The world is changed for the better.
God is waiting for us, as we are. Arms open, waiting to welcome us, in the midst of our fear, our pain, our insecurity and anxiety. Wanting us to join our lives with Him and His purposes and identity which He had for us all along. And to work through the problems and fears we have with Him, instead of on our own, and no longer be ruled by them.
All we have to do is accept the invitation of his perfect love – which can deal with all our fears.
Hope is real
Posted by: pressgang on: October 24, 2009
In the world we live in, its easy to be cynical, negative and despair for humanity. Many people look to organised religion to do this, but many don’t. But they are looking for something, some even believe there is a God somewhere, but they don’t see him in religion and religious people.
They are looking for the meaning of life, what life is really all about.
They follow the culture and religion of consumerism not only because its all around them all the time, but because they don’t see an alternative.
I know many people like this in my own experience, and have talked to them and seen how they live. People resign themselves to the consumer dream because there is nothing they see as an alternative, and the consumer dream often benefits them, so they – we – just accept it. Aetheists don’t believe in any kind of higher power, they believe this is all there is and its all proved by science, and that all that other stuff is a fantasy, or trick of the mind – despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary – and again resign themselves to this being all there is, and having their security in what they can see, feel and touch – as many of us do.
This is their religion.
As I have said many times, the way of Jesus and His church is not about religion or seperating sacred and everyday, spiritual and physical, but making them one and the same. Making Jesus the everyday and physical – because they are sacred and spiritual.
But more than this, the way of Jesus is about how to be human in the way we were designed to be.
Not religious, not legalistic, just trying to be human in the way God made us to be, which was made possible by the cross of Jesus.
Church is a community where people living this way connect, build relationships, get accountability and support and are taught, equipped and discipled in how to live this life and bring heaven closer to earth. Church is a place we learn how to be human in the way God designed us to be. Simple as that. Jesus made that possible through the cross, where He made possible the restoration of all things. In this reality, the spiritual and physical, the sacred and common, can be the same.
Jesus becomes much more of a reality, and spirituality isn’t some weird unknown mystical thing, it’s a reality with us.
The supernatural – in the sense God is through the Spirit – becomes natural and normal.
You can find God anywhere you see good, you see creativity, you see nature – whatever label everyone else puts on it. Jesus becomes a part of our everyday ‘normal’ life, and that changes as a result. Not to some weird Christian subculture, but to the world as God designed it originally, which was never meant to be religious and legalistic.
Jesus is the answer to all the problems of the world. Not only that, but He’s the only answer.
Church, at its best, is the way He impacts and affects this change.
The problem is that perceptions of Christianity and what church is, in the minds of the world at large, are nothing like what these things are or were ever intended to be. Jesus has been boxed into a religious system which makes His role all about taking away sin, rather than about changing the world, and dealing with the world’s problems. There a several Christian-based organisations outside the mainstream church, like Tearfund and Open Doors (amongst many others) which are taking this role from Christ’s perspective. While this is good, it makes it easy for us to absolve responsibility. To just give money and not really engage with issues, whereas what these organisations are trying to do is show us that this is all our problem. As followers of Jesus, but also as human beings.
When we, as community, come together to serve in projects which bless and serve others, and which promote the values of Jesus – projects like Sutton Foodbank for example – then we not only start to feel like we are doing something, but real change starts to come about. Churches need to immerse themselves in projects like this, where God is already working. We need to forget and suspend our disagreements and divisions, and unite in what’s really important.
Justice.
Mercy.
Love.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Projects like the Foodbank, or any kind of similar project run by any Christian (or even non-Christian) group or organisation which encompasses those values, are things we can all get involved in at some level. We can stop just talking about what faith in Jesus is, and actually put it into practice, and for me that’s very exciting. The chance to make real change, to show people who Jesus really is and change the world. Its an amazing opportunity. Its what we were made for.
That’s church. That’s following Jesus.
Church meetings are vital for teaching, fellowship, encouragement, accountability, support, training and discipleship. They are a key part of what our faith is about.
James (good name) wrote “Show me your faith with your words, and I will show it from what I do”.
He couldn’t have been more right. When this happens, then people start to see that the message of Jesus isn’t about religion, its not about rules, its not about always getting it right or being morally superior. Its about a life-changing truth – about God and ourselves – and about people willingly taking action, often at their own cost, to change this world and make it better. People who don’t accept things have to be this way, and are willing to take action to help make things different. They begin to see it for what it really is, and that the values it speaks of aren’t empty words.
They are real.
Hope starts to become a reality. People see what might be possible, and that their identity is more than they could have imagined or understood before. They see there is a bigger story going on, one which has been going on since the beginning, and is still being told. And they see they have a part to play in how this story unfolds.
Because God’s story is for everyone.
Its about everyone.
And it involves everyone.
Grace, love and forgiveness – the difficult path
Posted by: pressgang on: October 23, 2009
This week has seen a lot of anger and vitriol extended towards Nick Griffin, the leader of the BNP. He has been attacked from all sides for his opinions and those of his party, especially on Question Time last night. For my part, I totally disagree with his comments, his opinions and think that he’s been exposed for who he is and what he really stands for, and the sheer ignorance of his opinions. I think this is a good thing as well.
In my own life this week I’ve been the subject of comments which have totally misrepresented me, and have made me pretty angry to be quite honest. Its been very hard to be positive about the source of these comments, and at times I’ve wanted to make personal attacks.
But here’s the thing.
Jesus calls us to love our enemies, and pray for those who persecute us.
I think most of the country probably dislike Nick Griffin and all he stands for. It is very easy, no matter how neutral you try to stay, to not get emotionally involved in discussions like that and its not a long distance to getting personal with it, and taking your natural, god-given dislike of those political views he has and moving it into anger, resentment and personal attacks. Its a natural human reaction in one sense.
In terms of my experience, I felt misrepresented and taken advantage of, very mild forms of persecution. It would have been easy for me to react angrily and with bitterness and resentment.
But in both, the easy option isn’t really the best one.
Let me get this straight. Forgiveness isn’t easy. Its not simple. Its not something you can do suddenly, just saying someone is forgiven or telling them you forgive them, just like that.
Forgiveness is a choice.
Its a decision you make.
A decision to let go of your right to revenge. Let go of your right to get angry. Let go of your right to a comeback. Let go of your desire to make up for what has happened.
A decision, instead, to serve.
A decision to not hold any bitterness, but to treat them with respect. With dignity.
It doesn’t mean what they said or did was right, or that you agree with them, or that they won’t or shouldn’t face the consequences of their actions if there are any. It doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be justice.
It means you take down the barrier they have put up. The thing that divides you. The pain they have caused you – whether deliberate or not.
Forgiveness is disarming.
When people act a certain way, or do something hurtful – in particular when its deliberate or intended – they are usually shocked when the person on the end of it comes forward and forgives them.
Some people like Nick Griffin probably like the underdog role. He probably revels in the idea that the majority are against him, and dislike him. He feeds of it, he expects it.
What he wouldn’t expect is someone to come along and say that while they disagree with him completely, they are willing to listen to him and try and understand why he thinks that way. To listen to his story, of how he came to think the way he did.
It’s probably never happened, and probably never will.
Nick Griffin and his party believe things that, in my opinion, are just wrong.
Period.
They totally contradict one of the basic moral principles of any decent society, and despite his claims are completely contrary to the world view of Jesus, and the claims of the Bible.I could not disagree more with the man and his party, and his slick attempts to disguise this and lie about it say a lot about the character of the man, on top of his opinions.
But the thing is, God loves Him. Jesus died for Him. And God didn’t tell us just to love those we agree with or who are morally right. He tells us to love our enemies – those we or society don’t like, prefer to ignore and steer clear of and shut out of our lives. God calls us to love them.
He doesn’t call us to like them, or agree with them. But to love them. To see them as God sees them and treat them as such.
Its not easy. Forgiveness, and grace, are choices. They are processes. We don’t always get them right.
We have God with us to help us. He has grace to understand us in our weakness as well. We will screw up sometimes, and that’s okay. God understands.
But God wants our hearts to be for Him. He wants our hearts in the right place. Our intentions, our goals, our hunger and thirst to be to become more like Him.
More gracious towards those that mistreat us.
More loving toward our enemies.
To learn how to forgive.
If we’re doing those things, we’re on the right track. And God is always there, on our side, ready to get us through the screw ups, and to encourage us in the successes.
That’s the journey of our lives. Our journey toward God.
“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians”
Posted by: pressgang on: October 21, 2009
This week I have been reading and learning a lot about Mahatma Gandhi. There was a documentary on Sunday about him, and that inspired me to do a bit of research, and also to watch ‘Gandhi’ the superb Oscar-winning biopic starring Ben Kingsley. Now the man wasn’t a Christian, but the more I looked at how he lived his life, his values, his motivation, his attitude and how he treated people, the more I see a life lived by Christ-like values, and which reflected the nature and character of Jesus more than many Christians I know – including myself. Ghandi was a Hindu, but was a student of many religions. He read the Bible, and was even quoted once as saying ‘Yes I am (a Hindu). I am also a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist and a Jew.”
It appears to me that although the man was himself a Hindu, he certainly understood the teachings of Jesus and valued them greatly.
One quote I found from Ghandhi was very insightful though, and so true in terms of a lot of people’s perceptions of Christians.
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.”
How insightful is that?
I think it reflects what a lot of people outside the church especially, think about Christianity. The essential message of Jesus and His life they get and understand, but they don’t get how people who follow it can be so religious, legalistic and unlike Christ. And the way that we communicate it to them is often very poor, lets be honest.
Now what’s important here is to qualify this.
No Christians are perfect, and by definition every Christian is a hypocrite.
Christians aren’t this separate species of people, who suddenly become perfect and don’t make any mistakes just because we believe a certain thing to be true.
We all screw up at times, we all make mistakes just like everyone else. We aren’t above everyone else or better than everyone else, we don’t have a moral claim on the world and we don’t have a right to sit in judgement or look at those who don’t believe as any different, or worse than ourselves. Its a total disgrace to the name of Jesus to even think like that.
If anyone who claims to be Christian acts like that, then they aren’t following the example of Jesus – He was the one who did have the right, and He never did. In fact He reserved His harshest criticism for religious people, not for people outside the church.
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”
Perhaps us Christians should learn a lesson from that.
There are churches and Christians with this attitude, and I’ve experiened them myself. It’s usually on a very subconcious level, by people who genuinely care and want to help, whose intentions are good. But I’ve heard it and seen it in the past, and it sickens me. Its those Christians and churches that people are usually describing when they talk about why they don’t go to church – and for good reason.
(And yes, before we continue, I’m aware that I sound slightly judgemental saying all this. But this is only my considered opinion from a bit of my own experience and from a lot of reflection and thought. I am saying it because I’m passionate about Jesus and want His message to be communicated in the best and truest sense. Its not a personal attack or judgement on anyone, its how I think things are. The church needs to have the right perspective on what the message of Jesus means, and we need to be united in that common cause, and that’s what I’m trying to do. Whether you agree or disagree is up to you.)
The problem is that many of these Christians simply don’t know they are doing this, because they come from a religious, Christian subculture which encourages it. Their intentions are good and they love Jesus, but the tone and essence of their message doesn’t paint Jesus in His true perspective. It shows parts of the truth, and sometimes works because of this, but it never gives the full picture.
Its a limited perspective and because of this often comes across badly
This whole issue comes from this idea that has been touted about for years that following Jesus is all about the forgiveness of sins and nothing else. The ‘Genesis 3′ worldview of Jesus being all about sin, and rules, and religion. That you accept Jesus and suddenly all your sins are forgiven and you can carry on your life near enough as it was, with a few minor differences, because you’ve got your ticket to heaven. Jesus is all about taking care of sin, and that’s all.
It narrows down Jesus and isn’t the full story. Certainly not according to the words of Jesus and the scriptures, all of which speak of the ‘restoration of all things’.
Jesus came to showed us how to live a life as God originally designed us to live, and then sacrified Himself on a Roman execution stake after a Roman flogging, being rejected by all.
This made possible the restoration of the world to how God originally designed it to be – including mankinds’ rejection of God – or ’sin’.
From then on its all been about the human race participating with God in the restoration of all things to how God always intended them, restoring the relationship between man and God, and bringing heaven and earth back together again, as it was in Genesis 1 & 2, how God originally designed it to be.
That’s the real picture.
It changes everything in terms of how followers of Jesus should speak with people who don’t know Jesus and what their attitude should be towards them.
It changes everything that traditionally is associated with ‘being a Christian’ and how some Christians and churches often speak, behave and treat people.
Instead of judgement, hypocrisy and condemnation it becomes about restoration, about finding our true identity, about making this world better, about grace and mercy, about finding God’s best for us and bringing heaven and earth more and more back together and about us all being the same before God – all saved by grace and invited to be part of God’s kingdom, and none of us being totally perfect.
It gives us real, genuine hope.
It tells us the simple truth that we might feel like we are worthless, but we are actually worth everything, and we are welcomed and loved as we are.
Gandhi may not have been a Christian, but he embodied a lot of the qualities that Christ asks us all to take on. If he had been a Christian he probably would have had a huge evangelical impact on the world.
Not many of us will ever be quite like Gandhi, but we don’t have to be Gandhi to embody the qualities of Jesus, the qualities of humility, servanthood, love, grace, mercy, justice, truth and forgiveness.
It starts with us making little changes to our lives and try and bring these values and truths and make them part of our everyday, in all our habits, at work, in how we treat people and talk to people, in the decisions we make – big and small.
If we are choosing everyday to follow Jesus way and not our own, then we will be building His kingdom, helping restore this world to how God intended, and, little by little, bringing heaven back to earth.
Now that’s something worth talking about.
Why I’m getting baptised – My journey since 2006
Posted by: pressgang on: October 18, 2009
Earlier this week I mentioned that I have decided to get baptised, and today I want to share just how this came about. Why? Well, God has done some incredible things in my life in the last few years, and I really wanted to bless you by sharing this with you. I have left names and specific details out – believe me, it could me much longer – for confidentiality and personal reasons – but the essential message is clear. I also think it may help some of you who read this and don’t really meet me or see me, to know a little bit more of my story. I will be giving my testimony at the baptism service itself, however I only have 5 minutes at the service, and of course not all of you will be there, and this allows me to go into a bit more detail and share with some other people. To give my full testimony, which I will do some day, I have come to realize would take over an hour to speak about fully, yet alone write. I want for now to focus on my story of the last three years, the journey which has led me to this point in my life.
I want to join the story at the moment I joined Vineyard Church Sutton, in September 2006. I told my pastor and assosicate pastor clearly what I felt my calling and gifting was – church leadership – but deep down I refused to believe it, as I had for a long tim. In fact, in hindsight, self-pity, self-doubt and fear, at that point, was my security. This lack of faith in myself, self-pitying, bitterness and resentment was almost defining me, not my faith. This began to change after I joined the church. I had just started counselling for my anger problems, and I underwent in Spring 2007 Personal Prayer Ministry with our church. During one of these meetings, God told the woman who was praying with me four specific things God was saying to her about me. That I had a lot of common sense, that I was emotionally intelligent, had a deep spirituality and a strong committment to to the purposes of God.
I was shocked. I tried to deny this, and expressed my doubts to those praying with me. However, the person praying was one of the wisest, perceptive and God-hearing people in my church, and there was no doubt she had heard from God. It was only since that day that I started to notice these qualities in myself.
In this time I began to see who I really was. That the stressed, angry, immature, over-sensitive, easily intimidated, grieving person I acted like wasn’t really me. It was who I used to be. It was a child inside me which had been controlling me without me realizing, and that the real me was someone totally different. Someone I had never really met, didn’t know or understand, and that God was starting to reveal through the counselling, prayer ministry and through my new church.
Later that year got an even bigger shock. A letter from my pastor, asking me to join the ‘leadership community’ of my church, a group of several people who are leaders or potential leaders amongst our church community. It was the first time anyone in church leadership had asked me to lead, or expressed a belief in a gift of leadership. I could hardly believe it. I thought it was a joke at first, but soon realized that it was a serious request. I remember my fears with my counsellor, who I met with directly before my first meeting, and talking with her about leaving my ‘old self’, the child I had acted like for so long and allowed myself to be for so long. When I walked into that meeting in January 2008, it felt like I’d let go of that child. For the first time in my life, I felt like a man. I felt like I belonged.
In April 2008 I was best man at my best friend’s wedding. It was big deal for me, a person who never felt he got picked for anything, never got near any responsibility. In front of old friends who assumed that this old self was who I really was, I had responsibility, I had to manage the day, manage people, give a speech and oversee everything. It went well and was a roaring success, and my speech got a lot of plaudits – and I was reminded that I had also got plaudits for my other best man’s speech at my Dad’s wedding, and that for someone who never thought he’d be a best man, I’d now done it twice.
For a long time I’d lived a little in his shadow, which wasn’t his fault and not necessarily even mine. It was just how we were. I needed to find my own identity seperate from him, in my own church. This allowed me to do that even more.
That winter I read with my house group a book about taking steps of faith. As we came to the end, I began to feel strongly once again a call to leadership. God had long been given me a passion for church, for exploring and understanding more about what it means to follow Jesus, what it means to do church, and exploring the way of God as something deeper and bigger than religion, and for communicating this in innovative, fresh ways. It was at this time it began to crystallise into a clear vision of what God wanted – and still wants – me to do with my life.
In January 2009 I completed a 40-day discipleship course with my church, ‘Flow’. The idea of this was to orientate our daily everyday lives around our faith. Daily Bible verses, daily prayers, spiritual disciplines, reading, studying and conducting spiritual exercises, both as individuals and in fellowship. It proved to me that I could do these disciplines if I focussed myself, and committed myself. It also confirmed the things God was already telling me. As part of this course I did a course called the ‘Network Course’, and it revealed that my principal gifts were teaching, leadership and encouragement. I spoke with my associate pastor – probably to get him to tell me that it wasn’t accurate, so that I didn’t have to believe it – but he affirmed me in those gifts, saying that he could see all those gifts in me.
This again shocked me to a degree. Or rather, it scared me. Because it showed me that these visions and dreams I had thought about, these ideas I had, the things I had been writing about, might actually become a reality, and that God really had equipped me with the gifts I thought I had, and that I needed to pursue these ideas. This, I realized was who I really was.
The area I really needed – and still constantly need – to work on was my character. My confidence. My fears and insecurities, my doubts.
For this I had to back to my past. I enrolled on a Living Waters course. This took me back to my childhood, my past, my pain. It helped me explore these in the context of and in the presence of the reality and presence of Jesus, and showed me in a safe environment how these things were linked to my present insecurities and fears. I got prayer and healing, and in this time began to realise how little I had thought of myself, and how much I mattered to God. I understood my fear of rejection and abandonment – by women and by anyone I got close to. I understood how all this time fear had been my god and been ruling my life. I got a certificate of adoption by God, to help me realise that I belonged to Him, and that He would not abandon me.
My problems didn’t disappear overnight, but the process of healing was well and truly begun, and I had the support of an amazing house group and good friends through all this time. My counselling, combined with work at Living Waters, had given me control of my anger. The rage that controlled me had – and has – gone. It was time for the counselling to come to a natural close as well. I had become more self-aware, more confident, more understanding of my own problems and issues and developed ways of dealing with them, I had built up a network of friends to support me, and grown up in many ways, and realized how much I still had to learn. I was taking more of an active role in church, in particular with the creative arts team, involving speaking at the front and preparing things for church, and my writing had improved and developed, and I was reading more than I ever had.
But there was one surprise to come.
I spoke with someone about getting healing for my epilepsy. Before I had even thought, I said outloud “Why would God heal me? There’s more important people than me, I’m not good enough to get healed”. I stopped myself. I realized what I had said.
At the church service the next Sunday, my pastor talked about the Holy Spirit and about demons. He spoke about how sometimes we allow things to consume and overtake us, and they become demons. He mentioned anger, and I immediately connected. I then realized exactly what God had been doing in my life, how He had healed these demons. I realized I had other ones chasing me, my fears and insecurities, that I still have (and we all have some) and felt confident that God would take care of me. But there was something deeper this time. Something I had not even realized within myself, which was buried so deep only God could reach it.
God spoke to my heart. My heart went warm, tingly and felt filled with power and peace. God said these exact words to me (and it chokes me up even writing them):
“You think you’re worthless…but to me you’re worth everything”
Before I could think, I was crying. Crying is something I rarely do, but I was overwhelmed. At that moment the communion bread and wine came out, and got up and took it as soon as I could. I realized that all this time, and maybe even now, that in my heart I saw myself as worthless and not good enough. That for all the confidence and strength on the surface, inside I didn’t think I was worth anything, even to God. God made it clear to me that no matter what I thought I was worth, that to Him I was worth absolutely everything.
It still feels uncomfortable thinking I am worth everything to Jesus. It still makes little sense to me. But I guess that’s grace for you.
I have been through so much and grown so much, but I feel I am only beginning. Now I’m on a journey with my friend, brother, Father, and Saviour, to understand and truly believe the words He said to me. That I am truly important to Him, no matter what happens to me in my life. That He really does have a plan for me. That the dreams, visions and desires of my heart – and the ones He has put on my heart – can really become a reality.
Now I want to publicly announce this. I want to state publicly what God has done, what God still is doing and that whatever happens in the future, that He will be the one I turn to. He will be the one I orientate my life around. He will be my protector. He will not abandon or desert me. He will be with me always, and that I am worth everything to Him. I want to thank Him publicly and pledge the rest of my life to serve and honour Him.
That’s why I am getting baptised.
Breaking the mould
Posted by: pressgang on: October 18, 2009
I tried today to have a day when I didn’t think about church, theology, philosophy and culture. It worked. Almost. At 11.05pm God spoke to me, and it was a message I couldn’t ignore. Just a short message, but one I knew was so spot on I had to share it then and there. You ever have those moments, when something clicks and you HAVE say it that moment? This was it.
I heard a song and one of the lines in it talked about the phrase ‘break the mould’.
Heard that phrase before? Often in tributes to people “Oh, when God made that person they broke the mould” or about an artist, musician or cultural figure. When we say that phrase we normally talk about people who broke convention, people who pushed the boundaries, who revolutionised their field, who wasn’t afraid to do something different, which changed the world.
It occurred to me that we often think that these people are unique. We assume only certain people can do this or will ever do this. Like Bono (below, pictured at Cardiff) for example.
Why?
Is that a compliment to them, or an escape clause for us?
You see, we were created break moulds. God made us with the ability to create, to make things, to learn, evolve and develop. He imparted a part of Himself into us, that visionary, creative, innovate side. Its in all of us, not just some special people. God made us all with the ability to push boundaries, to do new things. If we didn’t then we’d be static. Things would never change. The world would never change.
Without these people we don’t grow.
This is what God wants as the norm. If we let convention, stability and comfort rule our lives, and we don’t push boundaries in our own life, then we also stagnate. We only grow when we go out of our comfort zone and make a step of faith – whether we’re a person of faith or not. If you look at a lot of the most successful people earlier in their careers, they were risk takers, they all broke the mould, they were all able to see things differently, and weren’t afraid to pursue that vision.
Now not everyone may have the gift of vision, of seeing the bigger picture. But we can all grow. We can all mature, learn and improve. God wants us to become the best we can be, the way He designed us. Life is a journey of becoming the person God designed us, and playing our part in His restoration of the world to His design.
The world we live in, the convention and culture of the world, is very different to the kind that God originally designed for it, and for us. God calls us all to help restore the world to how He originally designed it, to partake with Him, co-create and participate in the restoration of all things. He calls us to a life by His values, His teachings, redefining culture and bringing heaven to earth in our everyday.
God made us all to be the kind of people that ‘break the mould’. It doesn’t mean we have to be famous, high-achievers, or go off and do missions somewhere. No. It can do, but not for all of us. God wants us to break the mould every day. By doing things differently every day. By bringing the way of God into our everyday life. By bringing the sacred and common closer. By choosing His way in our everyday lives. Our decisions, how we treat people, our language, our values, our habits. All a little bit different to how the rest of the world do it.
That’s as radical as standing in front of 1,000 people preaching change. In fact, in many ways it can be even more powerful – especially in a culture where people are less and less inclined to believe what people say in public. Big change will come when many people change their daily lives to reflect a different set of values. Then it becomes a movement, it becomes more part of our culture, and in turn our culture starts to become a little bit more like how Jesus intended.
Christians started the movement against slavery. And it started with people who supported it making small changes. Changing their own lives to reflect what they believe. Not being afraid to be a little different. Then the more people saw this, the more people understood, and a movement grew up. In the end, legal slavery was brought to an end. The big issue now is the environment, which was hardly an issue about 25 years ago. But something happened, someone saw a problem. They started little changes and eventually everyone cottoned on, and now suddenly we are all bound by law to be environmentally friendly. Indeed, its through the little things we make such a big difference to our environment.
You see, we can all do our bit to change the world, help God restore it to His design. We simply cannot afford to stick to the world’s mould or be static. Jesus didn’t.
Breaking the mould shouldn’t be something we allow a minority to do.
Its what all followers of Jesus are called to do.
Don’t worry, you’re in the right place
Posted by: pressgang on: October 13, 2009
As you’ve probably noticed, the look of this blog has changed. I’ve been thinking for some time it might be time to freshen things up a bit and change the look of this site to something a bit brighter, fresher and more a reflection of where I am.
Many times in past few months I have thought about changing this, but decided against it because it would have been change for the sake of it, and out of impulse rather than reasoning. However now, taking into account the all changes God has been doing in my own life recently, recent changes I’ve made to my own spiritual disciplines and my decision to get baptised next month (more on all that in another blog post), I felt that a change might now be appropriate – for the right reasons. The change is more of a symbol of my own development and change and how I have moved on, and not just an excuse for a change. It feels almost like another stage in my own personal growth.
Personally, I like the design I’ve chosen.More colourful, more creative, less cluttered, more reflective of where I am right now. Of all the options available it was one that not only I liked the most, but also reflected more of me than any of the others.
2009 so far has been a year of tranformation, healing, growth learning and new experiences so far.
It has not always been easy going through this process, but it has been very beneficial for me and made a huge difference to my life and my outlook. I feel like I have learnt a lot and grown up enormously, although I know that its all a process, and I have so much more still to learn. But this year has been a significant one of transformation in my life, that is for sure, something I will explain more in a later post.
It makes sense that as I reach a moment, in baptism, which is not only a recognition of what has already been happening and what God has done in my life, but sybolises a commitment on my part to work with Him and continue this ongoing process of transformation, that my website also undergoes a bit of a transformation too.
Indeed, I hope that as I mature and grow in my knowledge and understanding, that it will be reflected in the quality and content of my posts. I certainly feel that in the last year or so my ideas on what following Jesus and church really is have developed and broadened, and I am sure that will continue to be the case as time goes on.The question of ‘what is church’ will never really be answered fully. It is such a broad and deep question and the debate and discussion over that will go on for a long time.
The purpose of this site remains the same however. It is explore and discuss what Jesus really meant by church, what real church should look like – both in its nature and in its personality in our cultural context. To discuss what it really means to be a follower of Jesus – both today and at all times – and how the church needs to continue to evolve and adapt whilst keeping its message distinctive.
In my next few posts I will explain more about what I envision a local church should be, and will then be examining in more detail what God has been doing in me this year, and why I have chosen to get baptised.
Keep evolving
Posted by: pressgang on: October 9, 2009
I heard a speaker at the Willow Creek Leadership conference today who has greatly challenged, inspired and encouraged me. To be honest, all of them have done this and I will go into this more in future posts. However today I heard strategy and management speaker Gary Hamel, speaking on innovation, bottom-up leadership and a type of evolutionary leadership in church, and a type of innovative, creative culture, where everyone is free to contribute and participate in the onward creation and re-creation of church. He said not only is this important, but vital to the growth of church in future years.
I also saw an interview with Jessica Jackely, co-founder of a site called Kiva who facilitate loans direct from people online to African entrepreneurs. She spoke of the leadership structure of the organisation, where although there are leaders and decision makers in positions, that the environment is one where everyone contributes to the vision and to the development of that vision. They invite people to come up with new ideas, and give them the facilities to put these into practice online, for example a volunteer came up with the idea for an i-phone application for the charity, and they were able to help them make that happen. She emphasized the need for participation and co-creation, working together. Not having just one man or a couple of people with all the power, and who have all the ideas and everyone else follows just their ideas and few others have influence. She advocates this bottom up, community-based, integrated, evolutionary approach to all leadership and to churches.
All of this was a revelation, but at the same time, confirmed nagging feelings I have had about church structure for some time. I have talked before that God’s original plan is for all of us to be particpants and co-creators with Him, and that part of following Jesus is being a participant and co-creator with Him in the restoration of all things to how God originally intended to be, and that this is the way we find our true identity, and when we really discover church.
I’ve argued before – and indeed the whole reason the site was titled ‘Evolving Church’ – that the church needs to be in constant flux, evolving, adapting, changing, both on a bigger scale and on a local scale, to become the real community of followers of Jesus that God intended, and to be truly effective in the world both locally and beyond. We cannot be dogmatic or static, there is no one fixed model that works in every single area, every single community, every single class structure or region. There are basic, essential principles which underlie how we do church, which don’t essentially change, but the practicalities of church will be different depending on where and when you are, and will evolve and change as the culture and environment around it changes.
I still believe all this. And what I heard today only affirms me in my belief and my trust in the idea of Evolving Church.
It gives me great encouragement to hear all of this from people, people who themselves are making such a difference in the world, and it gives me great encouragement that many others think that these kind of ideas and methods are the best way for the church moving forward.
It also represents a great challenge, as we see what is possible if you work hard enough, have enough faith and believe in what you are doing – and the cause is worthy – then you can achieve much more than many people may have thought possible. It brought home to me the huge potential the church really has, and how important it is that we take their inspiration and ideas on board, so that we don’t keep on lagging behind, but stay instead ahead of the curve, that we are the innovators, the trend-setters, the cause promoters, and the inspiration of our culture. That we get away from religion, to the heart of what our faith is all about. People are tired of the old religion and legalism, and following Jesus was never meant to be that anyway.
Let us be the people who make that possible.
We are the church – of now and the future. Lets make the church of now and the future a good one
Jesus came to end religion (and save the church)
Posted by: pressgang on: October 2, 2009
I had a conversation with someone I know recently, someone who doesn’t follow Jesus, and someone I thought who had no interest in God. I found that not only does he not have an interest in God, but believes He exists and is real.
No, his problem wasn’t God.
His problem was religion.
I had no problems talking to him about Jesus, the Bible, God and my faith whatsover, and he was even open to a proper discussion on the subject. He even went so far as to say he believed Jesus existed.
But religion? Not interested. Not one iota.
And, to be honest, I was inclined to agree with him. I’ve written before how if you look at the story of God in the Bible from the beginning and read certain passages in their proper context its possible to understand that Jesus didn’t come here to start a new religion. He didn’t come just to take care of our sin. No, Jesus came to restore all things to how they were originally created to be – including the human race and its sin – and to show us how God has always intneded and planned for us to live. The cross and empty tomb makes possible a new way of life, bringing the sacred and the common closer, and bring God’s way of life into the everyday of our lives.
Before Jesus’ sacrifice it wasn’t possible, religion was necessary in one sense because the seperation between the sacred and the common was very much there, because of the mistakes of the human race. However, once Jesus took care of this the curtain was torn, God – the sacred – could once again become part of the common, the everyday. God could become part of our everyday lives in a much more real way, and God could send His spirit on us to equip us to live this life.
Jesus sacrifice and resurrection actually was then intended not to start a new religion, but to end religion altogether, and initiate a big restoration project on all of creation, with the risen Jesus, the Son of God, at the centre of it all.
Yes, you heard me right.
Jesus didn’t come to start a new religion. I would argue He came to abolish religion altogether.
So, you ask, if that is the case then what is the purpose and role of church?
Well, God has always thought humans work best in community. Right from the beginning He said that it wasn’t good for us to do this life alone. Jesus even speaks of the importance of ‘church’ and it is menitioned as the bride of Christ. In fact, in the absence of religion, church – in the truest sense, in the way God designed it rather than the way we often do it – is the best way to do community and for followers of Christ both to meet and serve together.
Church, in its best and truest form, is important to God, and important to us. In fact, even more than that, we are church.
A church service and church community is where you will connect with other folllowers of Jesus, where you get discipleship and accountability as you look to grow and mature, and know Jesus more. It is where you get support for the things that are going on in your life, practically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is where you are taught about what it means to bring the Christ into the everyday, to see Christ in the everyday, and to be Christ in the everyday.
That’s the purpose of teaching/preaching, to enable and equip people to bring Jesus into their everyday more and more, and bring truths from scripture to life in way that helps us in today’s context, in creative, innovative and relevant ways.
But make no mistake. ‘Church’ is not the point. Jesus is.
Some people make church their idol you see. Lots of problems can rise up in a church if you are not careful, no matter how successful or how progressive and positive the intentions. In fact, success can often be the cause of some problems in itself.
One, some or all of the following problems can rise up in a church if it becomes the idol, or the centre of everything:
-Preserving the status quo, getting everyone to fit to the same mould can become a bad habit. People can get entrenched and happy with how things are and stop being progressive, whatever their original intnentions were.
-A culture can easily build up where you get used to only meeting God at church, where church and associated events are the only places where you are ‘allowed’ to meet God or where God is perecieved to be present.by many. You start to feel guilty – or be made to feel guilty by others – for not going every single week.. The church can start to exist to defend itself and further itself rather than for the good of the community outside and to serve God’s purposes.
-People start looking to build their own kingdoms and powerbases and this is a detriment to the ministry of the church,and divisions can be formed.
I am not saying these things happen in all churches, far from it. In fact I don’t think it happens now as much as it once did, and a corner is being turned. But one or some of these things can happen in any church, no matter how progressive or successful it mught be, no matter how good its original intentions.
These issues arise because people can easily take their eye off what is the most important thing, which isn’t the church itself , isn’t the organization or institution,
but following Jesus,
helping others to enage and grow in Jesus
and ‘being’ church.
That’s why I believe when starting any church it is vital to make serving Jesus, acting in the interests of His kingdom and glory, being obedient to Him and serving Him and worshipping Him and His interests over the interests of the church itself has to be at the heart of a church’s key values.
Jesus needs to be the point.
We need to promote Christ in the everyday
and help people live that out – and that becomes our evangelism,
it becomes ‘doing church’.
Jesus becomes our whole life.
The life of everyone who is part of that church community, and then part of the lives of the people they know, and so on and so on. And we still have as part of ‘doing church’ a community of followers who we connect with and who help us grow and mature, and who we can be accountable to, and who we can meet for fellowship and teaching and encouraging together. Not a place where the separation between sacred and everyday is increased and encouraged, but a place where we are taught how to find Jesus in the everyday and how to make Him part of our everyday – then go and do it.
The Sunday meetings are important. Very important.
But they are not the point.
They are not the only place we ‘do church’.
Church was never intended to be an organization or institution, or ‘the establishment’. Its about following Jesus, proclaiming His kingdom, being obdient to Him, seeking to build His kingdom and not our own, seeking not to separate the sacred from the everyday, but promote this idea and teach about how we can do that more and more.
Its His church. Its a community of followers of Jesus.
It so important church leaders are emphasizing always that being church and doing church is as much about being Jesus in our everyday as what we do on Sundays. I think its is absoluetly vital to ensuring a church stays church in the truest sense, and avoids falling into the religious trap which Jesus never wanted His followers to fall into.
The church of Jesus Christ – the community of people who choose to follow Him, ‘Christians’ – have fallen into the trap of religion. Some are desperately trying to escape and trying to find a way out. Others have fallen away because they have lost hope. Others thought about God but gave up when religion got in the way. Others see Christianity and the traditional church image and don’t even take a second look.
The church is very sick. Jesus wants to save it, like He has already saved us all. Jesus sacrifice was a once and for all sacrifice to ‘reconcile to Himself all things in heaven and on earth’ – all things, literally translated from the Greek, means literally ‘all things’. Jesus has opened the door for the restoration of all things – and that includes not just people, not just the earth, but the church – who are His people, and His bride.
In all seriousness, this topic is so huge and has such repercussions I have a feeling it may eventually turn into a book (the title above could probably be a book title). But I will end for now with this:
I believe people are looking for God. They are looking for a way of life better than the one they have. They are looking for real genuine hope.
But they are sick of religion. They want God, they may even want church. But they don’t want legalism, rules, traditions and politics to get in the way of it. They want something that is liberating, life changing and sets them free from the culture they are in and gives them genuine, authentic hope. They want faith which deals with the real issues in our world today and the day to day problems of life and faces up to them rather than brushes over them.
They are sick of today’s ‘pharisees’ telling them what they aren’t and not, and how bad they are, being guilted into faith, and of being ’sold’ Jesus like a bad insurance policy.
They want to be set free. They want to be the people they were made to be.
Its up to the church. Its up to church leaders. Its up to followers of Jesus. They – we – are the ones given this responsibility. We are meant to be the answers to prayer. We are the ones with the respsonsibility to rise to this challenge, and we have the creator of the universe to help us. We need to stop dividing and fighting over issues which don’t matter, and unite around issues that do. Issues that matter to Jesus that all of us can make a difference to – locally, nationally and internationally. Projects like the foodbank are one obvious example close to home.
The question all followers of Jesus need to ask ourselves – me included – is ‘What am I going to do?’ Then they need to do it.
And if you don’t know Jesus, He is looking for you. He is waiting for you. And He’s not the church, He’s not a hypocrite, He’s not against you, He doesn’t reject you and He wants to hear from you. He is so much more than you think or been led to believe.
What are you – indeed, what am I – waiting for?
